For Better or For Worse

THE MARRIAGE POOP DETECTOR I’ve always thought that I’ve held my husband to a standard that was too high and unrealistic. I’ll be honest, I feel bad about it and consistently feel like I should lower them so I’m not let down. However, my husband always loves when I share my expectations with him so that he can better help me and our family the way that I feel is necessary. I was baffled when I had this realization. Now, we share our expectations with each other in almost every part of marriage and overall lives. This has really been a game changer for us and we both feel like we have a happier and more fulfilled relationship. Dr. John Gottman says, “People with higher expectations of marriage had the highest quality of marriage.” Gottman gives this a detector; it’s called the marriage poop detector. The theory is this, does something smell like poop or in other words, is something wrong? If something seems wrong, if it seems like there is poop, figure out wha...

0    No vote In marriage you hurt, apologize and forgive. Dr. John Gottman says that most conflicts in marriage are perpetual. The dictionary defines perpetual as, “continuing or enduring forever; everlasting.” Let me tell you, in my short two years as a married woman, I already feel like some of our biggest conflicts are perpetual. I honestly feel like we’re in one eternal round with them. The only word to describe it is frustrating. Sometimes it feels like taking two steps forward and one step back. Now, I’ve described a scenario that seems super dramatic and like my husband and I have serious problems. We don’t. But we do have perpetual conflict and if every couple takes a second and evaluates their marriage I believe that they will see that our marriages are similar and that Dr. Gottman is right. Maybe this is sounding like a serious buzz kill but the best part about knowing this is knowing that it can be stopped by two powerful things, change and forg...

PRIDE Pride. Pride is the thief of my joy. President Ezra Taft Benson of the LDS church said, “Pride is essentially competitive in nature.” I have seen pride destroy people, homes and marriages. It truly is, as President Benson said, competitive. Unfortunately, I have seen pride destroy a marriage of a close family friend. As I have watched and tried to support this marriage from a small distance I have been amazed at the competitive nature of the two people. They have both let pride into their hearts so much so that their marriage has reached a competitive place, however, instead of competing together for a common goal, they are competing against each other in all aspects of life. Instead of supporting her husband with his new business he told him he would fail and that he would look stupid and that he would never be successful. She was so concerned that he would fail or that it would make them look bad that she tore him down. In that same breath she was trying to start her o...

0    No vote SMALL THINGS LEAD TO GREAT MARRIAGES “And out of small things proceedth that which is great.” We learn this truth from God in the Doctrine and Covenants chapter 64 verse 33. This simple truth is something I have seen time and time again in my marriage. It’s the little things. When my husband stops at the store on his way home from work to buy me a diet coke. Or, when my husband decides to spontaneously tickle my back while we are watching our show at night. It can even be as simple as reaching for my hand as we walk out to the car from visiting our relatives. It is literally 25 feet from the house to the car and he offers me his hand. How wonderful is that? Out of small things great things really can and will come to pass. The magic in marriage happens when we feel loved through small manifestations of love, affection and support from our significant other. When my husband chooses to turn to me for love, affection and support I know that...

0    No vote In the wise words of Sister Marjorie Hinckley, "I lowered my expectations." At one point in my very new marriage I had a self-realization that I held my husband to a standard that even the most perfect husband could not achieve. I learned that I needed to lower my expectations and cut the guy some slack. Why was I being so hard on him? Why did I have to consistently be tweaking things he did to the way I liked it? We had just had our new little boy and my life felt like it was spiraling out of control at times. I attribute that to the insane lack of sleep and the stress of learning to breast-feed. It seemed like our conversations had slipped into me asking him to be more attentive and better to me because from my perspective I felt neglected, anxious, and helpless in this new motherhood state. Poor guy, I was probably not that fun to come home to. One day we decided to talk it through. It seemed like I was always slightly upset about something he...