FROM SMALL THINGS COME GREAT MARRIAGES


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SMALL THINGS LEAD TO GREAT MARRIAGES


“And out of small things proceedth that which is great.” We learn this truth from God in the Doctrine and Covenants chapter 64 verse 33. This simple truth is something I have seen time and time again in my marriage.

It’s the little things. When my husband stops at the store on his way home from work to buy me a diet coke. Or, when my husband decides to spontaneously tickle my back while we are watching our show at night. It can even be as simple as reaching for my hand as we walk out to the car from visiting our relatives. It is literally 25 feet from the house to the car and he offers me his hand. How wonderful is that?

Out of small things great things really can and will come to pass. The magic in marriage happens when we feel loved through small manifestations of love, affection and support from our significant other. When my husband chooses to turn to me for love, affection and support I know that he needs to feel love and needs support from our union. I can choose to give him that or, unfortunately, I can make mistakes and don’t acknowledge or satisfy that need he is portraying to me.

This describes what Dr. John Gottman calls, “bids.” In a marriage, spouses offer each other bids, or they offer an opportunity for their spouse to reach out to them. For example, when my husband gets home from a long day of work and is tired but I need him to feed our baby because I’m making dinner, I may offer him a bid such as, “Will you please feed Hank this food?” He then has a choice, he may accept the bid and turn toward me by feeding our son while I do the finishing touches with dinner or he may ignore the bid and say, “Not right now, I’m too tired.” These options could either held build the marital love map or could cause conflict.

In my marriage I have seen the beauty of accepting bids and turning toward each other. Just this morning as I was waking up to the voice of my sweet baby down the hall I rolled over to my husband. When I rolled over he stirred and opened his eyes a little. In that small moment he grabbed my hand and put it on his head. That was his bid. He wanted me to rub his head and neck for a moment before I got up and got our baby. I rubbed his head and neck and gave him a little kiss. I chose to turn toward him and give him what he needed to feel loved in our marriage. “And out of small things proceedth that which is great.”

By accepting each others bids we can truly be happy. When we show each other love and make the choice to turn toward each other we invite success and happiness into our marriage. When we invite success and happiness into our marriage we are peaceful and full of love and admiration for one another. We are also in a place to invite Christ into our marriage. I know that Jesus Christ will become a central figure in your marriage that way it has for me as I practice turning toward my spouse even in those moments when it seems too hard.

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